When Love And Death Embrace

First of all

Happy Merry X-mas to all, im sure you had one

i wanted say that of mine :( but not. I dunno why things not happend how you would plain them, just few weeks ago i wrote about the bad month i was having, and it seems not going better, is going worst everyday, and in trying to no give in, but yesterday it was enough.
Monday i tried to look happy, fights in the family ohh not good but i can handle them, i tried to put the smile in everybody, but not i didnt get it at all :( anyway not was so bad..even the arsons what scared me couldnt made me get down, but yesterday...

I dont know what ppl dont try to live their own lifes, and leave the other's in peace! why?
What they do me hurt me so much, and it was so deep and will not be easy to heal, im little scared about what ppl can do for hate, an empty hate, coz my family never did nothing to be hated that way, its time to think again, and more than think act, i can be just there and fold one's arms just watching how they make my life miserable just coz they are!. Today i hope things will go better, i hope get some good news, i really hope, for those that i love.

This x.mas was for me just like a bad dream, i wanna wake up ...

PLATITUDE

(Bloodpit)

Is there a light at the end of your life
Can you see what happened here
You won't see me in a coffin
I'm to live by the brightest blaze

(CHORUS):
I see there is no sanctuary
There's no shelter
There's no grace

Love and hate, both blind but deep
Why can't you see what's going on
The long centuries in an hour
As I close my tired eyes

(CHORUS)

(So I spend these times in a shell)

*****

(Translation)

Hay una luz en el final de tu vida

Puedes ver que paso ahí

No me veras en un ataúd

Estoy tan vivo para el resplandor brillante

Veo que ahí hay ningún santuario

Ningún refugio

Ninguna bendición

Amor y odio, ambos ciegos pero profundos

Por que no puedes ver lo que esta pasando?

Los largos siglos en una hora

Como cierro mis cansados ojos

Coro

(Así perderé esos momentos en un caparazón)

This is not a important post, and I’m not trying to inform something, i just feel i need to write something, why? Just because i need it, and well don’t care if someone read it.

Thought I been had a happy year, even when I’ve fallen more than one time, I feel ok, walking glad, but sometimes the long path seems so hard, my health is not the best anymore, but now I’m taking care of it, I need sleep more or less I don’t know but I need that the big bags under my eyes disappear. An my work still sucking, but now it will sucks more than never, many changes there are coming and I have to think and use time for improves in  the department huh? They want me all the day there!  

But that is not the more stressed right now, just this weekend I have a lot of things in think of. My aunt died around 4 months ago, another cancer victim, after one year and half she was laying in the bed everyday worst, losing her moves, her voice, that what we can call life just ‘coz she wanted see all the family together before died, sadly some person of the family didn’t help to fulfill that wish and she left us. Mom mom is not the same since more than 1 year, when my aunt got sick her mind health is deteriorating every day L and sometimes my family forget that, every fight is bad for her, and everyday our relation as family also deteriorate .

Two weeks ago I got very sick and one of my too kitties, but she died L the same day, I couldn’t help it, and I couldn’t help myself either, nobody sees how bad I was.  Loneliness feel hard those days, when I was kid I almost sick and everybody was around taking care, anyway many persons were worried that day,  I’m so sorry but at the same time thank you for the wishes.  I was little angry that week but trying to be calm and think the next will be better.

Some wonderful days came after , but something in me knows that it will change very soon, and just the last weekend the bad news were announced all of sudden my grandpa died, L my mom how she will react? Lost to lovely persons in less of half of year is not easy. All of sudden I was there in my job explaining all to my boss, to back early at home and get ready for the funeral, I was making jokes all the day to make my mom laugh a little I get it, and then I was there in that room that sadly I know so well, I was not crying, my sibling couldn’t avoid they were crying a lot, and there was all the ppl who I never remember, those who I always see in moments like this, and there was also that “guy “ that  when my aunt died refused to go, and deny his family. He was alone trying to look regretful but it’s a bad actor after all, I was sleepy and hungry like never before, maybe that was my stress, confused  but not sad, I saw him, for last time and I gave him my last good bye, he never talk with me, but always when me and my mom arrive at his house for visit he always appear in the doorframe to get a kiss and then back at his room and watch TV, or go out and buy some groceries.

I don’t remember anything more, sometimes just came in silence with heavy moves to ask for the dinner, he always eat in the kitchen alone, my grandma told us, he lived as he always wanted live! He was an excellent singer, but she never left him make a career coz she was sure if he turn famous he will forget her, oh its funny when she start talking of the past life, she said she loved him no matter what, he not was loyal with her but she loved him, more than 60 years together, that’s not easy. He has the death he reserves; he was sleeping in the chair.   Just when I back home I decided go out with my mom, my head was full of ideas, but nothing specific, my mom was quiet and me worried, there was a time, I didn’t talk with her you know teenagers problems, and then we turn great friends and we always talk with each other about everything, now she is the one who don’t want talk with me, I feel so distant of her, she is inside in a thick shell, I cant guess what she thinks and that is turning me crazy, I never knew when everything change and for a min I hate her, for don’t trust in me, for not talk with me, and for make me feel sad I was there for her, the one that now I am is for her, its my tribute to her life, but she didn’t understand, but even she never know it I was here for her, more things are coming I’m sure, now again I’m down, but this time I enough strong to not fall

Life is a cycle…seems that was the message the life wanted gave me, I heard those words all the weekend, I’m thinking in them …maybe a new beginning is coming, I’m not sure but if it is true then thought we will have a very big happiness but I wont know till few months more.

Argh! Also I hate all my concerts of this month were cancelled, I always used them to break the stress! But all of them were cancelled L No Epica, no Rhapsody and No Cornell! And now I have a day off in the middle of the next week ¬¬ I will find something to do.

Ohh well that’s all, maybe it has not a logical structure, but my mind isn’t clear yet…

The only thing that is clear, I don’t wanna lost the hope…(I not religion person so I’m not thinking in hope of Jesus or things like that)

Two Latin phrases to close this journal…Two what I always have in mind

Memento Mori

and

Carpe diem

The Black Metal band Rotting Christ have been announced the Latin American tour that will start in June of 2008, there is no any info about dates yet. now all depends of local promoter in become this tour in a complete success.

This is the flyer that has been posted in the official page